Did you ever wonder why new couples are so kind, sweet, so thoughtful of one another….  while older couples, maybe not so much?  It’s because they’re in newly in love, and love — as we all know — is blind.  They can only see the good, only see whatever wonderful traits are in that other person that they love.  That annoying habit?  Oh, it doesn’t matter.  And the reason it doesn’t matter is because these two are looking for good, enamored with the little sweetnesses, the talents, the capacities of their mate, seeing the good, treasuring the connection.

The vibration is high.  It feels good.  It attracts.  My faith (I’m a Baha’i) teaches us to cultivate a sin-covering eye.  Don’t look for people’s faults – enjoy their attributes.  If you happen to see a fault when you aren’t looking for it, just focus elsewhere.  You don’t have to save the world one person at a time, and it isn’t our responsibility to “set someone straight” if we find that they’ve fallen off the path WE think they should be following.  It is, after all, their journey.  If they have ten horrible characteristics and one good one, see the good one.  Interact with the good one.  Let the others fall away.  I think of it as the fault just dying for lack of attention.

More and more articles and conversations today are talking about mindfulness, about manifesting, about frequencies.  In a nutshell, it means that we all have a vibration.  It changes with you – your mood, your responses, your happiness, your desires.  You see that high-energy vibe when someone is newly pregnant, or if an adult walks in on a couple of teenagers making out.  No secret that something’s been going on!  It’s in the air, like a static charge.  You can tell when you enter a room where people were just arguing, or where someone has just received devastating news.  You can feel it — like the difference between a tender, loving funeral for an older person who lived a good life and the anguished funeral of someone who died a tragic and unnecessary death.  No mistaking which funeral room you walked into.  The vibration is in the air.

So of course, at the beginning of a relationship, that vibration is high.  Things are new and exciting.  Little problems stay little and inconsequential.  But then one day……  something small becomes a problem.  “You didn’t mail my LETTERS??!?!”  And so it begins.

It gets harder to see the one good quality when your attention has shifted to the failings of the other person.  How were you disappointed?  How did they let you down?  How did they take responsibility for their shortcoming?  Now you have extra work because of something they did – who can I blame?  Dinner was late.  What did you do with my book?  What do you mean you didn’t clean up after the dog yet?  Late charges – why didn’t you pay this on time?  The little failings become the focus, and whatever you focus on will grow.

Suddenly we forget to hold hands or start breakfast in the morning.  We no longer come home with coffee treats or ice cream like we did years ago.  Conversation used to get sucked away by television; now it gets sucked away by TV, computers, video games, cell phones, texting, Facebook, e-readers, Alexa, and a dozen different things.  We are losing one another.


Watch your environment, friends.  Watch what vibration you allow.  And be mindful of your intent.  Will you see the one good quality, or will you see only your own inconvenience or irritation?  Don’t make yourself unhappy time and again, while you drive a wedge deeply between you and your loved ones.  You can choose, so choose wisely.  Choose to promote the good.  Chose to foster kindness, connectedness.  Choose a life of happiness.  It’s right there for you.


(c) 2019, J. Cools


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: